Attention fellow consumers
May. 31st, 2006 09:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sethrakThe following are things that only sound funny to a cashier on his/her first day. After that, it's a safe bet the wage slave you are speaking to has heard them all so many times that only moral fortitude and the lack of a suitable stabbling instrument in reach is preserving you from having your spleen removed without anethesia.
1. "Oh, all these debit/credit machines are so different! Teehee! I can never figure out from one store to the next how to do them! Teeheehee! I wish they'd all get standardized."
This last sentence usually said with a dead level stare at you, as if you are in a position to change anything about the POS machine industry's standards and practices. I know they're all different, and it's annoyed me on occasion when I'm the customer - but really, it's NOT that hard to figure out, if you'd read what's on the little screen instead of just hitting buttons in the order used by the store you shop at most, assuming that it will work here too. If you have vision problems, or poor reading comprehension, or whatever, just please ask for help. The teehees and implications that I can change how the machine works just because you want me to aren't going to do any good.
2. "Oh, I just printed that one up this morning! Hyuck!"
"Careful, the ink might still be damp! Guffaw!"
"Can you really tell if it's real by looking at it? @_@"
"Aw, don't worry, you can trust me!"
Look, it's not that we are singling you out specifically when we look at your $20, or $50, or $100. We have to check all fifties and hundreds. Period. Loss control, at least at my store, would prefer we also check all twenties, but they accept we don't always have time for those. It's our job at stake if we let a fake slip by.
And YES, we CAN tell on the newer bills if they're fake. There's a little holographic image of the president for that denomination in the right hand corner, which shows up if held to the light. Older bills have a magnetic strip woven in, which also can be seen when held to the light. The new multicolored bills probably have signs too, I just haven't seen anything larger than a ten yet, so I haven't gotten familiar with their signs yet. Trust me, the first colorful twenty that crosses my hand will get some serious scrutiny, regardless of the impatience of the customer or the length of the line.
3. Customer, usually older male: "And how are you today, miss?"
Me: "Pretty good, sir."
C,UM: "Both pretty and good, that's great! ::chuckle::"
Or variations thereof.
Not as bad as the previous two points; nowhere near as bad as some of the remarks I was subjected to when we had that mercifully brief "I found love in a Kmart store" ad campaign last year. As comments from male customers go, it's kinda sweet, actually. But really, gentlemen, even gentle compliments like this lose their ability to make me laugh politely when I've heard them so very many times...
And to those who made those obnoxious comments during the "Love in K-Mart" ad campaign, I hope you all are subjected to prostate exams once a year for the next five years. I wasn't even mock-polite to the FIRST guy who did it, much less the others, and I don't know a single cashier who gave a politer response than the frozen stare and dead silence while hurrying through the rest of the transaction which we do so well. What was WRONG with you assholes?
4. "Aw, come on, whatcha need to see my ID for?! I'm over (insert age here)! ::wink, nudge, companionable smile:: "
If you look like you're under 30, and you don't have your ID on you, no I will NOT sell you a CD with a Parental Advisory label or a DVD rated R. I don't CARE if you can tell me your birthdate by heart. For all I know, you memorized a fake birthdate to get around pliant cashiers. Show me ID, or get your parent over here. Period. It's not worth my job to sell mature material to a secret shopper without checking ID.
It's also not worth my job to sell alcohol to someone who looks under 30 and has no ID. Suck it up, people.
Parents, if your kid drags you over here because I requested an ID or parental permission, please don't get nasty with me if I ask if you're aware of the content of what the kid's buying. It's my job, thank you very much. You're probably the same kind of parent who bitches to the media about all the filth out there that's sold to "innocent kids". Stand up and be a goddamn parent.
Also, yes we DO sell both dirty and clean CDs. Please do not give me shocked looks or outraged gasps when I tell you this. That's what the parental advisory labels are for. Read the labels. Listen to what's on them if your kid is particularly young and impressionable. Yes, even if it's "not really your kind of music". It's the responsible thing to do. Staring at me in disbelief and saying that you thought K-Mart edits all its CDS tells me that you are not in fact the regular customer you are purporting to be. That's the policy of one of our competitors, thank you very much.
5. BEEEEEEPPPP-BOOOOP! You have just walked into Electronics, and a beeping alarm has gone off. Do you a) glare at me and demand to know why it went off, b) say "God that must get really annoying!", or c) look like a startled deer and head back out really fast?
a) It's just a motion sensor, people. If it were a security alarm like the ones at the entrances, you'd walk between two tall metal and plastic things, just like at the entrances. It's there so that, when I'm down an aisle or in a back corner straightening up, I can tell if someone comes in and offer assistance. It's there to provide you with better customer service. Honestly.
b) Yes, yes it does. So does hearing people say that twenty times a day. >_< Even worse is when the damn thing beeps and there's no one standing anywhere near it. Gah. But there's nothing I can do about it.
c) ::snicker:: Got a guilty conscience, hmmmm? As noted in point a, it's just a motion sensor. I hope Loss Control is taking special note of you lot.
Whew. I feel a lot better now.
1. "Oh, all these debit/credit machines are so different! Teehee! I can never figure out from one store to the next how to do them! Teeheehee! I wish they'd all get standardized."
This last sentence usually said with a dead level stare at you, as if you are in a position to change anything about the POS machine industry's standards and practices. I know they're all different, and it's annoyed me on occasion when I'm the customer - but really, it's NOT that hard to figure out, if you'd read what's on the little screen instead of just hitting buttons in the order used by the store you shop at most, assuming that it will work here too. If you have vision problems, or poor reading comprehension, or whatever, just please ask for help. The teehees and implications that I can change how the machine works just because you want me to aren't going to do any good.
2. "Oh, I just printed that one up this morning! Hyuck!"
"Careful, the ink might still be damp! Guffaw!"
"Can you really tell if it's real by looking at it? @_@"
"Aw, don't worry, you can trust me!"
Look, it's not that we are singling you out specifically when we look at your $20, or $50, or $100. We have to check all fifties and hundreds. Period. Loss control, at least at my store, would prefer we also check all twenties, but they accept we don't always have time for those. It's our job at stake if we let a fake slip by.
And YES, we CAN tell on the newer bills if they're fake. There's a little holographic image of the president for that denomination in the right hand corner, which shows up if held to the light. Older bills have a magnetic strip woven in, which also can be seen when held to the light. The new multicolored bills probably have signs too, I just haven't seen anything larger than a ten yet, so I haven't gotten familiar with their signs yet. Trust me, the first colorful twenty that crosses my hand will get some serious scrutiny, regardless of the impatience of the customer or the length of the line.
3. Customer, usually older male: "And how are you today, miss?"
Me: "Pretty good, sir."
C,UM: "Both pretty and good, that's great! ::chuckle::"
Or variations thereof.
Not as bad as the previous two points; nowhere near as bad as some of the remarks I was subjected to when we had that mercifully brief "I found love in a Kmart store" ad campaign last year. As comments from male customers go, it's kinda sweet, actually. But really, gentlemen, even gentle compliments like this lose their ability to make me laugh politely when I've heard them so very many times...
And to those who made those obnoxious comments during the "Love in K-Mart" ad campaign, I hope you all are subjected to prostate exams once a year for the next five years. I wasn't even mock-polite to the FIRST guy who did it, much less the others, and I don't know a single cashier who gave a politer response than the frozen stare and dead silence while hurrying through the rest of the transaction which we do so well. What was WRONG with you assholes?
4. "Aw, come on, whatcha need to see my ID for?! I'm over (insert age here)! ::wink, nudge, companionable smile:: "
If you look like you're under 30, and you don't have your ID on you, no I will NOT sell you a CD with a Parental Advisory label or a DVD rated R. I don't CARE if you can tell me your birthdate by heart. For all I know, you memorized a fake birthdate to get around pliant cashiers. Show me ID, or get your parent over here. Period. It's not worth my job to sell mature material to a secret shopper without checking ID.
It's also not worth my job to sell alcohol to someone who looks under 30 and has no ID. Suck it up, people.
Parents, if your kid drags you over here because I requested an ID or parental permission, please don't get nasty with me if I ask if you're aware of the content of what the kid's buying. It's my job, thank you very much. You're probably the same kind of parent who bitches to the media about all the filth out there that's sold to "innocent kids". Stand up and be a goddamn parent.
Also, yes we DO sell both dirty and clean CDs. Please do not give me shocked looks or outraged gasps when I tell you this. That's what the parental advisory labels are for. Read the labels. Listen to what's on them if your kid is particularly young and impressionable. Yes, even if it's "not really your kind of music". It's the responsible thing to do. Staring at me in disbelief and saying that you thought K-Mart edits all its CDS tells me that you are not in fact the regular customer you are purporting to be. That's the policy of one of our competitors, thank you very much.
5. BEEEEEEPPPP-BOOOOP! You have just walked into Electronics, and a beeping alarm has gone off. Do you a) glare at me and demand to know why it went off, b) say "God that must get really annoying!", or c) look like a startled deer and head back out really fast?
a) It's just a motion sensor, people. If it were a security alarm like the ones at the entrances, you'd walk between two tall metal and plastic things, just like at the entrances. It's there so that, when I'm down an aisle or in a back corner straightening up, I can tell if someone comes in and offer assistance. It's there to provide you with better customer service. Honestly.
b) Yes, yes it does. So does hearing people say that twenty times a day. >_< Even worse is when the damn thing beeps and there's no one standing anywhere near it. Gah. But there's nothing I can do about it.
c) ::snicker:: Got a guilty conscience, hmmmm? As noted in point a, it's just a motion sensor. I hope Loss Control is taking special note of you lot.
Whew. I feel a lot better now.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-31 02:44 pm (UTC).. not cool. Kind of flattering, but not really cool at all.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-31 08:36 pm (UTC)Some of my favorites were:
A) When an item would fail to scan on the first attempt the customer would cheerfully say, 'It's Free!' Sorry Carl, about forty thousand people have beaten you to that joke since we opened half an hour ago. Maybe next time.
B) An old man opening up an anecdote I'm not interested in hearing with, 'You can share this with your girlfriend...' Thanks for reminding me I'm single, dick-wad.
C) 'What do you mean I can't leave my groceries in this basket and take it out to my car?'
You know, something just dawned on me. There were a lot of other colloquial jokes customers would make three times every half hour that I was going to make—but I've forgotten them all.
Hurray! The poison is slowly draining from my mind!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-31 08:55 pm (UTC)Now, I am one of the Electronics dept. minions, and occasionally in the Garden Shop. Whee. Garden Shop in spring, what fun. They stopped scheduling me for garden a week ago; concerns were raised by store management about pregnant me being in close proximity to the pallets loaded with admittedly whiffy bags of fertilizer and insectide. I didn't notice any ill effects; and it was easy to just duck outside when the whiffiness got annoying; but I'm not going to complain. Both Garden Shop and Electronics are under Miss Frances' management, and she's one of the cooler store managers.
I cordially hate and envy you for having escaped cashier hell. :p